either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
