Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
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