Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
