if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
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I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
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She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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