I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
