I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
