shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
