well you can't waste a boner
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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