I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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