We need to start having sex underwater more often.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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