Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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