Plan B is the new Plan A
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
