So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We need to rekindle our bromance
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
