We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
