Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
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I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
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I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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