DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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