like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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