we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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