I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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