apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
