Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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