Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
