he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
