So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
