just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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