This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
