doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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