i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
