So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
