When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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