Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
