You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize