remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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