She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
