remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
