just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You brought string cheese to the strip club
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
