I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
