i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You made out with two different species that night
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
