I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
