I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
