i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize