I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
