yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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