I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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