I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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