I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
