I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
