I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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