how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
