What did we do last night that was yellow?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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