He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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