I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize