there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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