I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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