What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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