What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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