I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
