I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
