She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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