I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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