me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
