my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Randomize