If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
