i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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