She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize