Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
